ugly duckling

Today was an ugly duckling day. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ugly_Duckling

I felt out of sync and awkward in my will. I felt I didn’t fit in or belong to my work goals.  I couldn’t find the truth of myself in my deeds. No matter what I did, it wasn’t the right thing, my thing, to be doing. I felt all wrong. I felt ugly.

I also felt undeveloped, immature and undisciplined….the duckling. I lacked grace, elegance, and strength.

Where is my neck? My long, graceful, elegant, strong neck?

I’ve never called this inner feeling, this kind of day “an ugly duckling day,”  but that is exactly the right name for this particular experience of self.  Just like the ugly duckling seeing its truth…the swan reflected in the water and welcomed by the other swans, I saw the truth of my day.  My swan self had an ugly duckling flashback. The naming was a delight, a freeing metaphor, on the mark and beautiful, full of compassion, wisdom and humor.

I am a swan! A swan with ugly duckling flashbacks!  I can live with this, even celebrate it, because it makes sense.

A flashback is a psychological phenomenon in which an individual has a sudden, usually powerful, re-experiencing of a past experience or elements of a past experience.

Today was not a great day, true. I had wanted to accomplish a lot more. I wanted to feel more directed and strategic.  But the ugly duckling feelings and judgments of self, the loss of my inner swan, was an involuntary flash of the past.

Now that I have the name that reminds me that I am a swan having a less than perfect day, that I am snowy white, that my neck is one of nature’s most beautiful gifts…that the ugly duckling is no more, I have an imagination of self that gives me wholeness, strength and a smile.

Another bit of ugly duckling wisdom: My ugly duckling day was around my will and doing my work, living my passion, but there are other ugly ducklings. The ugly duckling flashbacks can appear in your thinking (the stupid ugly duckling), your relationships (the unloved or the unloving ugly duckling), your body image ugly duckling (too fat, too old, too whatever)

Does this metaphor resonate with you?  Do you have Ugly Duckling days, or moments? Remember you are a swan!