I tremble at the realization that as I write these four Inner Easter posts, I am asking each of us to find our solitary way into a consciousness of unbearable feeling — even the joy of resurrection, if truly felt, is too intense for full consciousness. I am not suggesting that we not live into the New Testament recollections of the Mystery of Golgotha which remains filtered by it’s presentation as story, the greatest story, but still perceived as a story about anothers experience. I am asking that we go gently into our own experience and our own true story using the divine template of 2000 years ago.
Why should we do this? As I wrote in the Inner Christmas Messages, we are blessed when we find the impressions of our I-beyond-consciousness living in our souls. If we can go into our own experiences of the Easter Mysteries, we will find the impression of I that knows all the suffering of incarnation, can die the most painful of deaths, forgive, and live again. Just the briefest moments of this inner experience of I, brings more freedom and love to the ordinary moments of our everyday lives. We find courage. That is why for these few days we let ourselves go into the darkest of our souls’ days.
Here we look for the events of Good Friday in our souls. Take heart.
As I wrote the questions below, I realized they ask you to experience yourself as a victim or a perpetrator. A victim has a perpetrator, a perpetrator, a victim.
But the I-beyond-consciousness does not live in stories where there are victims or perpetrators. Certainly, Christ Consciousness is not about victimhood, shame, guilt, hatred or other feelings, attitudes, or judgments that separate, divide, or kill the heart or soul of anyone, especially your own.
As you look at these questions, can you feel the pain without shame, guilt, hatred, any feeling that is not permeated with love.
False Witness
Do you lie about yourself to yourself, to others?
And when have you silently born false witness on anothers soul? Why? If we don’t offer the dark, selfish parts of ourselves compassion and forgiveness, will we ever be whole – resurrect into a new vital experience of I.
The Judging
Do you know the prejudiced judge in your own soul that accuses the part of you that longs to speak the truth, love freely, do powerful deeds?
Have you accused, judged, and condemned yourself or others?
Have you ever washed your hands of standing for the innocence of another or the strength of your own goodness?
The Flogging and Mocking
Have you had to suffer the pain of flogging and the humiliation of mockery? What is self-flogging? Is it your constant self-doubt, your food binging, your obsession with knowing everything, your inability to earn enough money? And self-mockery? What do you do when you look in the mirror? Do you mock your body? Do you write from your heart and then rip it to shreds? Do you tell yourself you are unworthy and undeserving?
The Bearing of the Cross
Often the crosses we bear are the weight of our own defenses and identities we created to hide or avoid or survive. What are the crosses that you bear? does anyone ever offer to help you carry them by listening to your stories, caring for your suffering, seeing the truth of your heart?
The Crucifixion and Death
So often our destiny requires that we suffer and die to ourselves. Each year on Good Friday we can ask ourselves have I died to myself so that I can live for others? We don’t need to say yes, but it is very good to ask ourselves the question and be willing to be surprised by the answer.
If you have been reading my messages for a long time and never left a comment, asked a question, or offered appreciation, is it because you diminish the value of your thoughts and feelings?
Thank you Lynne for going to the heart of these extraordinary few days. You put into words and therefore enlighten what otherwise stays unbearable. I am brought back to Myself by your profound clarity.
As i begin this Good Friday I set the intention of witnessing both the darkness and the light, rather than focusing exclusively on the deaths that are living in my soul. After reading your post, however, I am inspired by the duality you identify as “victim” and “persecutor”. I am familiar with the inner tugging that so often lives in me – but I had a different vision of who was on either end of the rope. Today I will take up the images you offer and let your questions guide my meditations. Thank you Lynn, as always, for your gifts. I’ll tell you what – I’ve never seen “wanting to know everything” in this particular context. That one snuck up on me.
Thank you so much Lynn – very profound.
Thank you Lynn, as I read your email, pondered the questions and did some writing I realized that the cross I bear actually weighs 150 lbs. that is the extra weight I carry. This cross was created to hide, avoid and survive. What I thought about today was not getting rid of the cross but allowing this burden to die. To feel the pain without shame, guilt or hatred. To let it go, to release it, to let it go so that I can live for others. I know I have many beautiful gifts hiding in there.
Thank you for this new insight and for challenging me to speak my truth
Deb
The idea that we “carry crosses” composed of the defensive tactics we’ve used to hide, avoid or survive is an attractive idea…It releases us from the possibility that maybe these “crosses” aren’t my responsibilities – but rather the long-standing results of some harm that came to use years ago, or that continues today. If I’m overweight, it’s convenient and easy to say it’s the result of crosses I’ve carried, rather than the real possibility that I’m just too lazy to work out, diet and lose the weight. As a person who HAS worked out, dieted and lost the weight – I feel like facing these “crosses” logically (if you want to lose weight – eat less and work out) is a very practical step toward leaving them behind. Speculating that they are the result of something else – a defensive posture for example – is interesting to talk about. But again, if you want to lose the weight – work out and diet. I guarantee THAT will work every single time.
THANK YOU!!!!!
Lynn, your offerings are so wonderful and appreciated. Always diving into the deep end…so much to think about. Much love to you.