I participated in a thoughtful gathering to remember the dead on Saturday. We lit candles, shared music and food. The room began to warm with the presence of the dead souls. After about 20 minutes of listening to others speak about “their” dead, I was finding so many souls who had left this life (some of them long ago) lighting up in my heart – lighting their candles, singing their songs, nourishing their hearts. It was a lovely love feast with the dead and the living. It inspired this post and has deeply enriched the session on the dead and the unborn in the Inner Year course, Engaging Your Spiritual Companions.
When you think of the souls across the threshold of death, what are you doing? I know it is a strange question, but I really am serious. What are you doing? Remembering or engaging?
Remembering with sentiment or resentment, grief or relief? Pulling up or pulling out memories, stories, sensations containing pictures of those who have ceased their earthly life – the deceased. You can sense how they were – the color of their eyes, sound of their voice, warmth of their skin. These are the souls that you share an intimate relationship with.
Do you reflect on their moral development – how their thinking matured and opened up to new perspectives, how their feelings became more expressive and caring, or how their deeds bore a moral gesture living in their inner evolution and impacting the lives of those around them.
Did they die filled and embalmed with more humanity, more freedom and more love? Did they know the kingdom, power, and glory of their spirit, their own kernel of the Divine?
Do you realize how much they come “alive” and engage with you when you meet them with more than your missing them.
Are you mourning or celebrating their life? And what are your feelings and how do your feelings intensify or obscure the memories and your awareness of them as individuals in their lifetime?
Engaging WITH the Dead
Beyond the memories and the feelings, do you have a sense of their non-corporeal presence in your life right now? Do they want to engage with you? Do they need your help or offer their help? Do you hear inner whispers of guidance or questioning? What questions do you bring to them?
If you light an inner candle, do you light it in your thinking, your feeling or your will? It is the inner candles they love to see, that lights their way back to your soul. Actually it is the way forward!
The dead are our ever-present companions, they are eager to engage with each of us. Parents with young children, who are so often kept in the dark by our sense that death is scary to the young, would be wise to speak about this connection. Children, so close to the spiritual world they have just left, feel joy when their parents celebrate their experiences with spiritual companions, their imaginary friends.
A brief note on the earthly substitutes…
I just read an article on the almost obsessive “fandom” around cultural creations like Harry Potter and Star Wars and other substitute realities. This is the longing for our spiritual companions and spiritual realities many feel deeply, but can’t find or believe in using traditional religious dogmas. Do they turn to the fantastic, idol worship, costumes, and autographs because their religious education failed to give them a connection and engagement with angels, nature spirits, their long dead, but so wise, ancestor (their very own Obi Wan Kenobi)?
Your Questions
How do you feel about the presence of the dead?
Do you have any spiritual or contemplative practices that engage the dead?
Are you grieving for a loved one that has left the land of the visible?
Please leave your comments below. And consider the course, Engage Your Spiritual Companions. It will be available for downloading by November 10th.
For my friends in the Southern Hemisphere.
It’s Spring, not Autumn, a season of lambs, baby birds, bursting blooms – life seems about welcoming, not remembering. It’s is still the time the soul celebrates all other souls, especially those not living. Please turn your spring-inspired thoughts and feelings to those on the other side of the threshold of birth – bring your devoted will to engaging those who have committed to another lifetime and are preparing for their conception, gestation, birth and new lifetime.
We don’t know what they will look like. We can’t remember them as a physical presence, but we can imagine their moral presence. We can welcome with warmth their willingness to take on the suffering of resolving karma and greet their courage to fulfill their earthly deeds of destiny. This is not about anticipating a cuddly little innocent babe, but of holding a sense of the “I” that will impact the future of humanity. Engage the unborn in your sunny soul.
i am an only child and had a very difficult relationship with both my parents. to say my mother was vicious, cruel and sadistic doesn’t even cover it. my father was a conflicted man, authoritarian, no nonsense police officer, never emotional, abusive in his own way, alcoholic but incredibly devout in his faith. when my mother died, the only emotion i felt was relief. when my father died, it wounded me greatly. We had had a falling out during that summer, he had tried to commit suicide while i was caring for him, when he came out of the coma, he was violent, non-verbal. As he recovered, he still harbored this enormous rage towards me to the point that he got extremely verbally, physically abusive, had me locked out of his house, so i left….never to see him alive again. I thought for sure he would try to contact me in some way, thru a dream, thru a sign…. it never happened, i was hyper vigilant about it, but to no avail. Was I surprised? No…. this was just a continuation of the life-long pattern, why did I feel that in death he would be any more communicative or want to make amends? If that man had loved me, had any sense of me and what he had done to me, he would have wanted to say he was sorry. that didn’t happen. I guess what I am leading up to saying is: for me, this is proof positive that where there is no life connection, there will be no death connections, in fact, i don’t believe in spirits at all. Those of you lucky enough to have been loved know something of connection. I do not. It didn’t exist in life and it doesn’t exist in death… I’m glad you are able to experience these wonderful connections with people who loved you during life, but not all of us have those kinds of relationships in our life.
Dear Candice,
I am so sorry for your very difficult, very painful experience with your parents. I’ve written another post on mothering where I speak about the archetype of mothering, the mothering you received good and bad, and the person who was your mother. All three are different and need to be separated in our sense of self. This can help. I had very, very bad parenting – abuse, neglect, abandonment, and it took me decades to see it and resurrect my denied feelings of grief and anger. Recently I was able to look at pictures from my first year – it is obvious that they loved me, but their parenting never revealed that love.
I hope you find support, compassion, listening that helps you resolve your sense of self in spite of your parents terrible failures.
BTW, the elderly often have mini-strokes in an area of the brain that causes them to turn on the ones they love most. This as you well know is a shocking and painful experience. It is physiological, not emotional. This may have been the case with your father.
How do you feel about the presence of the dead?
At this time I can’t honestly say that I’ve given it much thought, so this is a difficult question to answer. On a ‘gut’ level, the idea that the dead my be present is a very new idea. For the sake of discussion, let’s say there are dead spirits in my room with me now, while I type this. As i sit contemplating the question, I’ve asked any spirits present, to make themselves known, but so far, nada. in theory I welcome the presence of the dead for a very selfish reason: proof of afterlife. So the best I can do is say I hope that the dead will make themselves known to me, and share their experiences and knowledge. I welcome that.
Do you have any spiritual or contemplative practices that engage the dead?
Not that I’m aware of.
Are you grieving for a loved one that has left the land of the visible?
No. This is an interesting question, however, and the cynical side of myself wonders why it’s being asked – in light of what I perceive here to be a notion of a continuum, not an “end”…What I’m saying is that some times those who are grieving the passing of a loved one are vulnerable, and bad humans find
this vulnerability to be an opportunity… An opportunity to exploit an emotional state by suggesting that the ‘loved one’ isn’t gone at all, and can be reached, …for a price. Should you, dear reader, encounter an offer like this, please run
in the other direction as quickly as you can.”’
.
Lynn, I know, because of your anthroposophical studies, that you are well aware of the practice of reading to the dead. I began this practice last February after the death of my daughter-in-law’s mother (suicide). I was so undone by it, that I started reading to Marie every night. I look forward to a discussion about this with you. I have expanded my “gathering” to all my dear ones who are in spirited to join me and our angels. It has been a most gratifying practice and has allowed for an entirely new feeling about death and a wonderful remembering of dear ones. I have found it so enriching, and brings me great joy to share my time, love, appreciation and gratitude with those who crossed my path and touched my life, and I theirs. Anyway, I am happy to be joining you in this very informative lesson that you are offering. My granddaughter, (and the departed Marie’s ) is a big part of my life, so I haven’t taken time to partake in your offerings. I decided this was a good place to pick backup!
Dick,
I don’t know how long you have been on my mailing list, but you should be well aware that I offer programs that support the psychospiritual awakening and development of the individual. My course on engaging spiritual beings includes a session on working with the dead.
I asked the question about grieving for a loved one, so that those who are struggling with grief and willing to share their feelings could find community and begin to explore their experience in light of what I wrote.
In my book, The Six Ways to Celebrate Christmas and Celebrate You, I write about cynicism in the first chapter. You might find it helpful – but, of course, it has a price…
Welcome back, Marilyn. You’ve been missed.
Dear Lynn
Thank you for your gesture of love, and the invitation to share thoughts and questions related to our “dead”. I prefer to describe them as those who have discarded their bodily garment required for life on earth. The presence of our dead, our relationships with those across the threshold and what is being asked of us here by them and the whole spiritual or invisible world is a subject so very dear and close to my heart.
It is so very dear to me because of my own inner experiences and the invitation offered to me through the sudden death of my beautiful son, Simon, just over six year ago. At the time, he was two months away from his 25th birthday, and I was 54 years of age. Simon was a light in my life, a teacher and mentor to me on earth. In the midst of the shock, the agony and grief and all I had to experience through our sudden separation, I was awake in a way I’d never known before and “knew” that Simon had completed his work here. I “knew” that this had come to me for a special reason and that I would have to trust the journey, and Simon would be with me helping me and guiding me, that we’d have work to do together here and that he had special tasks in the non-physical realm. I was able to be both observer of and active participant in my grieving process. As his mother, I also needed (and wanted) to be there for all the others who mourned his death. I became an observer, too, of the grief of others, and of those who were stunned because they had children and wondered how they would cope if a child of theirs died.
I feel it important to speak of this huge life-changing event that came my way, because without this I would not be able to write and share as I do now. There had been other deaths in my family, such as the suicide of my sister, Alison, six years before Simon’s death but none that affected me so powerfully as the death of Simon. This “event” opened the door for me to discover my purpose, to know I was being “called” and to recognising that each one of us is being called even though we might not be aware of it.
My heart was so filled with gratitude for this beautiful being who had come as my son in this lifetime, and for the unconditional love he showed me throughout his life. I loved him so very, very much. I was devoted to him. Out of love and in love, I could let him go with such deep thankfulness knowing that he was not gone. This it was up to me to find a way of being in the world that transcended the apparent separation that existed through the death of his physical body. And so the greatest journey of my life began as I walked the path. My soul-love met him and his profound love for me, no longer restricted by the confines of a physical body, permeated my being. Joy, warmth and love permeated me through and through. Simon was with me and still is even as I write these words here. (Yes, I’m being asked to speak out too….) I could experience this profound physical loss and grief, and at the same time stand tall and know Pure Joy and Divine Love.
This journey has led me to feel and know the presence of the dead in a very real way, has led me to know that the dead are asking us to live, truly live, to become more and more wakeful to our own divine nature, to sensing their presence in my thought and feeling life, the impulses to spur me into action, the inner “conversation” or dialogue they seek with us, to their enjoyment or appreciation in my readings and in-depth engagement with beautiful and sacred texts, and in my daily work and activities and experience of nature. A still and quiet mind, a heart filled with gratitude, reverence and devotion all help us to become more open and aware of their presence. In cultivating such attitudes, we help ourselves, we serve our dead and the whole universe.
Simon had no unfinished business with me or any other person here on earth. Under such circumstances, provided those left on earth are not “holding the soul back” which can happen in many ways, we can soar onwards. Most of us, due to our being so very human, more often than not leave this world with unfinished business ….. this not only presents challenges and requires healing and transforming across the threshold but also for those of us left behind. Grief, I believe, cannot be fully understood unless we start to realise that some of what’s happening inside of us, in our soul, can actually be feelings that the dead is having in relation to us! An example might be that on the birthday of a parent who abused us, even though we’re still hanging onto, perhaps blame or anger, a deep sadness might well up inside of us. We’re not quite sure what’s going on. It might well be the dead parent’s sorrow for what they did to us, and their longing apologise or “fix” what they did. How then can we be of help should such a situation be arising in our own hearts? This leads us to the question of healing or not healing. Healing and transforming from our side would both liberate us and the dead. We not only set ourselves free; we assist the “dead” on his/her journey.
I’ve also found that now I have wonderful relationships with those “on the other side” and a sense of connection that I’d not had on our earth-side. Here I might have known them only superficially due to the masks we wear, my own lack of authenticity, my own non-acceptance of myself and others, and inability to meet the other in a real way …….. back in the “old days”. There are also other “dead” that I did not meet on earth, who are with me in my readings and inner work. There’s a beautiful transmission of love and gratitude from both sides. I’m also wakeful to the healing that is happening world-wide that is helping our dead, and assisting in the evolution of all of us.
The “dead” truly long for us to know they are alive, with us, around us. They help us. We can help them. It’s more than just a thought, something to contemplate. We are encouraged to live in the truth of this. What an invitation! In this knowing and way of living, we can truly rejoice in the wonder of the workings of the world! The Divine Beings rejoice with us in our work with them!
How may we be of service and begin to develop soul capacities required for being present for those who have died?
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude
Trust the process of life
Appreciate every moment
Be present in all that we do (“Present Moment Living”)
Feel into each experience or activity in which we are engaged
Be in the silence of our own being
Look for the sacred in all
Speak to those who have died with love and reverence as if they were here
Be open to their needs
Come to an inner knowing that those who have died are here even if we cannot see or hear them
Read texts which meet the heart, enrich the soul and meet us spiritually, being aware that this is for them as well as for ourselves
Become awake to the thoughts that come to us and the feelings that arise within us
Enliven our thinking – spiritualise our thinking
Develop an imagination for the spiritual world
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Our inner work is a service which we offer to the whole world,
the visible physical and the invisible spiritual world
– not two worlds, but one.
Susan Vos, Brisbane, Australia
Ever since my children were young, we have celebrated the birthdays of our beloved dead by putting their photo(s) on the kitchen table, lighting a candle, and often including their favorite food memories, (ie…Werthers Originals for grandpa Peter). We plant trees with the ashes of our beloved dead, sometimes with ceremony and music that the children create! Now that my boys are older, one living on his own, I’ll send an email with pictures of our dead loved one on their birthday. Yesterday would have been my little brother’s 50th birthday. He died of smoke inhalation, from a fire in our home, just a few months after his 2nd birthday. I sent picture emails to my siblings, mom and children, incuding one with my dad, who has also passed, holding him on his lap. I held his photo close to me while watching the news, blew out the candle, and took his picture up to bed to watch over me as I slept! I love feeling connected to my dead loved ones and sharing that connection with my children! Thanks for this post and the chance to share…
Thank you so much, Sherry.